Sister:

In most societies throughout the world, siblings usually grow up together & develop strong emotional bonds such as love or thoughtfulness. The emotional bond between siblings is often complicated. {wikapedia}

Lord knows we've certainly "grown up" together. Not so much from childhood to adulthood, but from girl to woman and from woman to mother and from friends to sisters.

It's complicated.

Yesterday morning I was sitting in the living room with our 6 kiddos reading books and intercepting when necessary (there's plenty to intercept, I assure you). It was early still...I was in my sweat shorts and a t-shirt with my glasses on and my hair in disarray wondering where on earth I put my cup of hot tea (which I knew wasn't hot anymore.)

Without any verbal exchanges or even knowing glances, my sister waltzes into the living room with my tea mug that she had just reheated for me.

It's thoughtful.

The other night we both had left the house, at different times, to be alone. After a couple of hours we ended up at the same place, we sat next to one another and attempted to be lost in our own thoughts...but, instinctively, we end up spilling them to eachother. As the coffee shop closes we wander out the door and stand under the light black sky finishing up our conversation...even though we're headed to our SHARED home. We share a home, we share our families, we share our thoughts, we share a kitchen, we share our hearts.

It's a bond of love.
Sisterhood.

How grateful am I for this sacred gift in my life? Beyond words.

a little lifetime

I'd never say it...
I'd never verbalize this idea that your healing has erased the past.

It's not possible.

The scars remain, even after the bleeding stops. You can see where the wound was, you can touch it, there's evidence.... even though it's over.

Even though it's "healed".

I'll give a little lifetime to helping the scars fade.
I gave up my life for the cause of you a long time ago.

There are questions about these injuries.
What actually caused them? Who knows?
How have I added to the hurt with my lack of understanding?
That's one question I don't want answered.
And, thanks to His grace, perhaps we'll never have to know.

I want desperately to educate the world.
At least the small piece of it that you encounter.
To share deeply about the reasons why it's hard to love.
The problem with affection. The glitches with communication... the need to process,
the need to teach what others are given as instincts...

communication
affection
identification
belonging...

and somehow it provokes anger in me. Tears sting my eyes and I feel mad.
This same fury brought us together. It is the reason we are a family.
Yet, I wish I could have been there...
You didn't grow in my belly. You grew in my heart.
"What's that?"
Oh.
"Yes ma'am. They're all mine. 1 homegrown and 3 hand-picked...all mine."

Not just today, but for our whole little lifetime.

Do They Spend a Lot of Time Together?

What is it like to grow up in a house that your family shares with another family? I don't know, but my kids are learning. From their view, I'm sure there are hard things about it. For example, it's very tricky trying to get away with something dangerous or off limits. After all, the adult eyes (that aren't just in the front but also the "back of our heads") are doubled. Also, there are those times when the other family's parents are taking them to the park and your stuck at home with your lame parents who are folding laundry and doing a deep clean of their living area. BUT...

then there are LOTS of times that you get an extra trip to the park, or the store, or the backyard to play because someone else is going and invites you along. You're like family after all. And there are nights that your parents go out on a date and you get loved on like crazy by the OTHER adults in the house and also free access to "their area" (we each have our own hallway of bedrooms and a bathroom with a door at the end of the hall giving us extra privacy. The kids often aren't in each others' "hallways" so, that's an extra treat on date night.)

Not to mention that as parents, there's some serious motivation to be the best you can be when you live with amazing parents who are daily displaying patience, love, and grace to their children...challenging you in a super good way. They provide insight when you need a dose, empathy when you just might lose it, and a listening ear when your little ones fill you up with things you need to say (read:venting).

AND...when you're the ONLY fireball little girl in a family with three boys...you actually get a "twin" sister!

That's just the tip of the iceberg, but I'd say the pros far outweigh the cons, eh?

The Irony of Impatience

My 3yr. old daughter is struggling with patience. By this I mean that when she has a desire for something she DEMANDS it...either with her tone, her words, her tantrums, and such. Ironically, as I'm lecturing her on how important patience is...I find myself slamming a fist on the table, or biting my finger in frustration or cutting my child off from rambling when I'm irritated.

Basically, I'm struggling with patience. And the beauty of facing my struggle is the way it ripples to the little people I have been given the joy of mothering. When I call myself out, "You guys, I am not being patient. I really need help with that." and my son tells me, "It's ok mom. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, all you have to do is ask for it."I think: Wait. How'd he know that?

Oh yeah...I told him that.

Transparency

How do you teach someone to be transparent? I often ask this question as I interact with some amazing people who are so locked up inside themselves. Don't get me wrong. I understand that having no filter and spilling your heart and soul to any warm body you cross paths with is far from beautiful. Yet, there is something to be said for freely sharing who you are, the story behind that person, and the questions you carry with you to an authentic listening ear. It takes my breath away when I am gifted with the knowledge of what someone else's heart looks like. I believe what happens when we disclose who we are is that we begin to understand the truth. When I put words to my doubts, they seem less gripping. When I share my shame, it seems less embarrassing. When I name my strengths, they seem more powerful. When I acknowledge the journey, it seems more inspiring. The problem is that we've given ourselves the right to deem who is a "worthy" recipient. I often face the temptation to judge someone before I open up to them. Are you authentic enough? Are you going to care about me tomorrow? The problem with this little game is that it somehow gives me credit for anything precious in my story. It's as if I am the author of this journey and therefore, I'm entitled to control who gets to hear about it. This fosters a mindset of self-protection and preservation. This destroys communities. In general there are lots of people who are far from trustworthy. The typical reason why we are so private is because we've been hurt or we've seen someone else get hurt in a friendship. Even still, this general rule of being private is so harmful in community, in families, in neighborhoods, and in the church. After church on Sunday I was talking to my 4 kids about their morning. They were with other kids in the Children's area. After 2 hours apart, I'm always curious what went on in their little world. They are a chatty group. They love to share the things they had fun doing. There was a pause and I heard Boaz say, in a very serious voice that stood out, "Hey Mommy. I have to tell you something very sad about my morning." I looked back to see him staring out the winding blinking hard and long. He began to share about a kid in his class that had hurt his feelings by intentionally leaving him out of a game that a bunch of kids were playing. He had made Boaz feel unwanted and uninvited. I am sure this is all a normal part of growing up and learning how to function out there in a world that's unfair. We talked about it. However, what I took away more than the sad reality that some kids are unkind, is that Boaz offered me this understanding about the current state of his heart. What a gift to hand that over to me. It's an honor to know he trusts me with it, but it's even more precious to me that I could be there for him. Apart from his choice to make known how he was feeling, he could have easily blended into the chatter swirling around the back of the van without so much as a second glance from me. Yet, as he talked about it and i showed him compassion...I saw, literally...I WATCHED the sadness lift. It was like precipitation....misting into oblivion. I long to preserve that in him. I hope to model that for him. For in transparency...we are authentic. This is one of the ways the world will know we are different. We are His...and it's ok to be real. Thank you Boaz. You are like the best refreshment on a long, dry, and dusty road.

Car-time Crazies....

I often get my troop to the mom-mobile & have them safely buckled in with a drink in hand and a book to look at while I run back inside to grab whatever else I need (a.k.a. "use the bathroom real quick, pick up what's left of our tornado aftermath, and get the keys") Then I head out there to join them and we're on our way. So simple. But, not really.

If Daddy isn't with us, I let one of the big bros sit in the front with me. This tends to keep the peace. However, if two boys are in the back seat together...we've got trouble on the horizon.

Sometimes it's "He smashed me in the face with his book!" or "He keeps kicking me with his feet!" but, often times it's a wild, uproarious laughter and some serious silliness that gives our van a side to side shake at stop lights. Sweet, right?

I'll agree it's better than the fighting, but still...it has "driven me" (<-- no pun intended) close to nuts more than a time or two.

We've tried a few different strategies:
1) Books on tape! These are AWESOME! Especially when there is a tangible book to follow along with. Each child gets a turn to hold the book, and if you're noisy while waiting for your turn to read along, you get skipped.
2) MUSIC!! We ALL love music in our family. For this to work, I have to let them pick. While there are some great children's artist's out there, I can only handle so much of this. My kids would blast their music all day long if I let them. They don't realize how much noise they make already, so at times, I just can't add to that. However, we rely heavily on this as well.
3.) I SPY. This game is great, but there has to be boundaries (ex: what you "spy" must be in the car so that it can be legitimately located.)
4.) Alphabet Scavenger Hunt...they do good at finding all the letters. I have to play too or we get out of order and sometimes "see" letters that no one else does.
5.) I call this option: Get Out and Walk Please. If it gets all too rowdy in the car, I'll let them know it's simply much too difficult for me to concentrate with all of the noise, so they need to walk. Of course, I make sure it is safe for this, and I'll pull up to the sidewalk, let them out, and drive sloooowly and peacefully next to them. Once they are tired and I have re-filled my "patience tank" they get back in. Typically, this has a calming affect on all parties. Actually, they will ask to get out and walk now. They admit to having loads of energy and a desire to use it!! I think that's great. When it's safe and when it works for our schedule, I gladly comply.
6.) A Car Journal!! They each have one that they picked out from the store and their own color coded pencil. This journal stays in the car at all times and is ONLY for our trips around town. They can write, play tic-tac-toe, draw, make lists, paper airplanes...whatever.

What about others of you who fill the back of your car to the brim with kids? What creative ideas have you used to keep from losing your mind? Please share!

And, of course I added a pic that captures a smidgeon of their zest of life, adventure & fun!

At the foot of our homemade, poster-board, Lenten, Cross....

Easter is coming.
It is THE most significant holiday for my soul to celebrate.
His birth is special, it's the beginning, it's miraculous....but, His death and resurrection make ALL the difference. He rose from the dead and so I now live. Amazing.

The last 2 years we've been able to include our kids in this reflective season. Personally, I love reflecting. I find so much energy in having open space for my heart to look back. I do this best by writing and talking...rarely is reflection complete for me when left to my internal thoughts alone. Therefore, as Lent begins and I enter into a 40 day time frame of remembering His love that led Him to making the ultimate sacrifice for us...I must include my family in that journey with me or there will be a disconnect between us. This story is their story. His grace is big enough for the messy process we go through in trying to understand it, especially as children.

Two years ago we began a new tradition as a family. Each nite during Lent we gather at the foot of the cross. We make a big cross on poster board and hang it up on the door. We write scripture around the cross of God's love, one passage a week. Inside the cross we write words that remind us of what that image means. We sing songs like "The Wonderful Cross" (which is Justice's favorite) and "Jesus Loves The Little Children"...and we anticipate Easter's celebration at the end of the 40 days.

Already in bright green John 3:16 is vividly printed on the poster board. All 4 of my kids nearly have it memorized and inside the cross in bold yellow letters the word "LIFE" is written for this first week. I keep looking at it when I walk by and I find myself uttering a raspy "thank you" often.

It's astonishing for me to feel the weight of His love right now. I feel the burden of His love...which His sacrifice exposes. I feel grateful for my kids and the way He uses these little people to overwhelm my heart with His insane, purely perfect, unconditional love.

Love.
Sacrifice.
Jesus.
Family.
Celebration.
Life.
For God So loved the world......
Thank You Jesus.